Light Up The World
by Salix15
Summary: 8th in my Faberry series. Tensions are running high as The New Directions heads off to New York for the 2011 National Show Choir Championship. Will their original songs place them in the top 10? Will certain members of the group be able to set their love lives aside to focus on the competition, or will they crumble under the stress of it all? I SUCK at summaries.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hey everyone! Sorry this took so freaking long, but after cranking out Forever and Roadside, I really needed a little break from this series. But I've not forgotten about it in any way, shape or form. Like always, please leave feedback, it's food for the muse. I'll try to have chapter two up by tomorrow night, but there's no guarantee on that.**

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Quinn Fabray sat back against the uncomfortable bus seat, and let out a small sigh of agitation. She was trying to read a very thick Russian novel, most of the characters had names that sounded the same, so concentration was needed to get through this depressing, emotional mess. Her teammates didn't seem to care about that, however, as they talked loudly with one another. Most were turned around in their seats to talk to people three or four rows back, while others spoke to the person sitting next to them but because they were in such a small, confined space it all sounded like loud noise pressing against Quinn's mind, giving her one of the worst headaches she's ever experienced.

She felt a little stupid, a little bit like a failure that she was feeling this way on a long bus ride. The Cheerios bus had been just as loud, if not louder because then she had been surrounded by a group of cheerleaders pumped full of "vitamin D" to give them extra stamina for the cheering at the game. But that had been different. She was a willing participant in the conversations taking place, mostly with Brittany and Santana. Those bus rides were spent reading between the lines while Brittany tried desperately to get Santana to simply hold her hand in public, while the other girl ran scared, but neither of them spoke of it outright.

_How they managed to mend that relationship and turn it into this, I'll never understand_, Quinn thought and glanced up over the edge of her book to peek at her friends. Santana had her head resting against Brittany's shoulder, and the blonde was casually - almost as if without thought - running her hand along the outside of Santana's thigh while playing on her phone with the other. It warmed her heart seeing her best friends so happy, so content to be with each other around everyone else.

However, it also made a small part of her feel bitter, and angry. That should be her right now. She should have her girlfriend curled up against her side, or talking to her nonstop about what it's going to be like in New York, what the hotel is going to look like, what the food is going to taste like, what their competition might perform, and how they were going to win no matter what because they had original music on their side. She wanted that so badly she could almost smell the other girl's perfume and unique mix of pheromones as if the girl were sitting right next to her.

But she wasn't, because they were broken up.

Quinn glanced up from her book again and looked towards the front of the bus. Her eyes narrowed into a glare as she saw Rachel sitting there talking animatedly with Finn Hudson. _Finn Hudson_. Quinn almost growled as she thought the words inside her head. The boy had been driving her completely insane for the last couple of weeks, and she wanted to bash his stupid face against the ground until it looked like hamburger. She wanted to super glue is lips together to stop the words from coming out, and she wanted to shave off that ugly hair cut that made him look even more like a toddler who has yet to figure out how to properly use a hair brush.

She shook her head, and returned her gaze to the printed words in front of her, though it was no use because she couldn't concentrate anyway. The boy hadn't been doing anything that warranted this kind of hate, and she knew that deep down. She knew that he and Rachel were only friends, and that nothing romantic was going on between them. She knew that because she and Rachel were starting to become friends, and the diva had told her those exact reassurances when she started going over to Finn and Kurt's house to help the boy with the dance routine for Nationals.

_"Nationals is too important to let petty things like who used to date whom get in the way, Quinn, and while I understand why you may feel uncomfortable with me spending so much time with Finn because we used to be involved romantically, I promise that nothing of that nature is going on between us. I'm simply being a leader, and sacrificing time and energy for the better of the team, which is what a good leader does. I really hope this doesn't affect our budding friendship because I would really like to have you in my life,"_ Rachel had said on the phone, not even giving Quinn the chance to breathe. It was all the blonde needed to be satisfied at the time.

But then Finn started giving Quinn that look.

It was a smug look. A look that said, "you freaking blew it, and I _knew_ you would". Maybe it was just in Quinn's head, and Finn had been eating too much Mexican food at lunch and that's why he always had that slightly gassy but possibly smug look on his face in glee club. Quinn couldn't be sure, and she wasn't about to start paying attention to what Finn put in his mouth outside of class because she would have to follow him around all day, and she wasn't crazy or that desperate.

Just because Finn was giving her that look didn't mean anything, though. Just because he was right when he said that she and Rachel wouldn't last didn't mean he deserved Quinn's venom. Just because he had his arm around Rachel's shoulder while she snuggled up to him and closed to her eyes to get in a cat nap before they reached New York and she would be too wired to sleep didn't mean that he deserved to have a paperback copy of _The White Guard_ thrown at the back of his head. He may not have deserved it, but he got it anyway.

Quinn stared out the window, and refused to make eye contact with anyone when the book made contact with Finn's head, and he let out a loud yelp of surprise and pain. Everyone was staring at her, some of them with looks of amusement, some of them with looks of sadness, and others wondering when Quinn was finally going to snap and kill them all. It was enough to drive anyone insane, and she was barely holding on as it was.

"Ok, you need to get off the crazy train because you're starting to drag everyone down with you," she heard someone say, and the empty space next to her was suddenly no longer empty. She didn't bother looking over at Santana as she rested her forehead against the cool glass and stared out at the tall buildings as they got closer and closer to their destination. "Blondie, I know you can hear me. You never listen to music on bus rides; you just pretend so people will leave you alone."

"And yet here you are, talking to me as if I want to talk to someone," she spat back, and physically cringed at the bitterness in her voice as she took the ear buds out and let them fall across her lap. She wouldn't be surprised if the glass cracked from all that brittle. She let out a little sigh and took a chance by peeking at Santana out of the corner of her eye. Her friend had a bored "are you done yet?" expression on her face, and Quinn just returned her gaze to the window.

"I get it, ok? You had a big love, and you went through a big loss. But throwing things at Free Willy like a four year old throwing a temper tantrum isn't going to make you feel better, even if you do have awesome aim. You know what, I take it back. That was really funny." Santana barely made it to the end of the sentence without laughing, and despite Quinn's efforts to remain in a bad mood, she smiled at the sound of her friend's joy.

"He did kind of sound like a cat getting its tail stepped on, didn't he?" she whispered, and Santana nodded her head while the two laughed together. Movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention, and she glanced up before she could stop herself. Rachel was turned around in her seat, glaring at the two with a very unhappy expression on her face, and she simply shook her head at the blonde. Quinn held her eye contact for a few seconds before chickening out, and staring down at her lap. Maybe losing control wasn't such a good idea after all.

"Don't worry about the dwarf. She's just worried that the blow to his head knocked out all the dance lessons she's been giving him for the last month," the Cheerio said with a snicker. Quinn had to bite her lips to stop herself from laughing. She didn't want Rachel to look back and see her making fun of Finn. As pissed as she was that she was friends with that oaf, she didn't want to make things even worse between them when they were finally starting to put all of the bad behind them, and become friends.

"Santana, please don't call her that. You know it bugs me when you say things like that about her. Just because she's a little shorter than you, it doesn't mean she deserves to feel bad about it. It's not like height is something people can control," the blonde said, and rested her forehead against the cool glass of the window. She really didn't want to see the public display of...whatever was going on at the front of the bus. Even if Finn and Rachel were just friends, seeing them be physical like that was too much for her to handle.

"Well, I can't make fun of her for her clothes since she actually looks hot today," her friend said back, sounding way more chipper than she needed to. Quinn just rolled her eyes and let out a little sigh. "Besides, one of us has to remain sane when it comes to Berry. You're still all moon eyed even after what she did to you, and I have a reputation to uphold. Can't be seen being nice when it comes to her." Quinn just shook her head, and wished she had her book to pretend to read.

"Right, that would be a travesty," she said, and couldn't help but smile when Santana jabbed her elbow into her ribs.

"You freaking know it," she couldn't keep the smile off her face even though she tried to sound tough, and slightly mean. Quinn seemed to always have a way to break that wall down, and she wasn't a big fan of that quality. "So, what are we going to do about Count Eats-A-Lot? He seems to be getting a little too friendly with your girl these days."

"She's not my girl. And really, Count Eats-A-Lot?" she finally pulled her face away from the window to look at Santana with one eyebrow quirked, and a smirk tugging at her lips.

"What? They can't all be winners. And yes, Princess of Denial, you may have cut that little fairy free, but she is still your girl. I see the way she looks at you when she thinks no one is paying attention, and I see the way you stare at her ass when she passes you in the hall. You get all spaced out, and your pupils get really big, and drool pools at the corner of your mouth. If you could tell me what memories those short skirts bring up, it would be highly appreciated 'cause if I have to see you being disgustingly sappy, I should get to know why."

"Brittany still not putting out?" Quinn asked with a sneaky smile. She knew the answer was yes. She had snuck into the Cheerios locker room last week to ask Santana what her plans were that afternoon, and she overheard a conversation she really didn't need to hear. Even though she didn't need to hear it, it still gave her great satisfaction hearing Santana whine like a petulant child and practically beg Brittany to have shower sex, claiming it had been too long and Lil' Tana was starting to become physically ill from the lack of attention.

"She said she wants it to be special. What the hell doe she mean by that? It's just sex, and I needs to get my lady lovin on. I haven't gone this long without since I was fifteen, and my body and mind are starting to wither away. The other day in math class I zoned out and had a sick fantasy about Mrs. Parks."

"God, Santana, she's like sixty-five," the blonde said, sounding just as shocked and disgusted as she looked.

"I know! I said it was a sick fantasy."

"Could you two please keep your voices down? The rest of us really don't want to hear what goes on inside Santana's head. That is just wrong," Tina said from behind them. Quinn barked out a laugh, and covered her mouth to try and hold it in. Santana blushed so hard even the tips of her ears were turning bright red.

"Shut up, bitch," she spat, and jabbed her elbow in Quinn's ribs again.

"Ow! Stop, you're going to crack it or something and then I won't be able to perform," she said around her giggles.

"Santana, whatever it is you are doing, I'm asking you nicely to please refrain. We all need to be in our best shape if we have any hope of winning this competition. This is Nationals we're headed to, not a relaxing stroll through Central Park. After we get home you may do whatever you see fit in response to Quinn's immature response to your dire plight," Rachel said, giving both of them a little glare before turning back around in her seat, and returning her head to its spot on Finn's shoulder.

"I can't figure out if she was being genuine, and I shouldn't be mad at her, or if she was being sarcastic and I should put weird stuff in her food tonight," Santana said, her eyebrows furrowed as she stared at the girl who was trying to take a nap despite the noise level of the bus.

"It's really hard to tell sometimes, isn't it? Once we were on a date and I couldn't for the life of me figure out if she wanted to make out, or if she wanted to keep watching the movie. Sometimes she should really let her actions speak instead of her mouth," Quinn whispered right against Santana's ear to prevent anyone - especially Rachel - from overhearing her.

"So what did you do?" Santana whispered, her lips brushing against the shell of Quinn's ear. 'Oh my god, I'm going to have to talk to Brittany about maybe telling Santana what she means by 'special' because this is getting a little sad,' she thought. A shiver went down her spine at the feel of Santana's warm breath against her ear, and she thought for a moment that maybe the other girl was doing this on purpose, trying to rattle Quinn to get her back for laughing at her earlier.

"We ended up reaching second," she whispered back with a small smirk on her face. It was one of her favorite memories, and even though Rachel ended up smashing her heart into a million jagged pieces, she wouldn't trade that memory for the world. If she closed her eyes and concentrated hard enough she could still perfectly see the look on Rachel's face as nimble fingers worked their way under her bra, to toy with and tease the breast underneath.

"You're thinking about it, aren't you?" Santana asked, again with her lips lightly brushing her ear. Another shiver worked its way down her body, causing her skin to erupt in goose flesh, and her mind was hazy for a second. She simply nodded, and when she glanced over at her friend she wanted to punch her. Santana knew exactly what she was doing, the little smirk on her face told Quinn that much. _Two can play at this game_, she thought, and made sure to keep the smile off her face as she moved some of Santana's hair off her shoulder, and leaned in so this time her lips were lightly pressed against the shell of the other girl's ear.

"It was pretty hot, Santana," she said, her voice breathier than it needed to be, but it got the desired effect. Santana got goose bumps almost immediately, and Quinn had to bite back the evil cackle that wanted so badly to rumble in the back of her throat. "She was on her back, and her face and chest were flushed. She was too shy to take off her shirt, but she let me slide my hand inside. She bit her bottom lip to try and keep herself quiet, but she kept letting out these sexy little whiny noises, and she was grinding against my hip, and I could feel how wet she was through her underwear."

"_Querido Dios, dame la fuerza para no matar a esa perra,_" Santana muttered under her breath, and shoved Quinn away from her. The blonde let out all of the laughter that had built up in her body as hit the side of the bus, hard. She didn't care about the pain in her shoulder however because when she looked at Santana's flushed skin, dilated eyes, and heavy breathing she knew she had won. "You're a freaking bitch, Quinn Fabray." She stood up, and practically stomped back to her seat, and sat down next to Brittany.

Quinn watched with amusement making her eyes sparkle as Brittany tried to wrap - what Quinn assumed was - a comforting arm around her girlfriend. Santana shrugged her off, whispering something in her ear that made the taller blonde blush, and she glanced back at Quinn with an impish smile on her face. The blondes shared a laugh while everyone else looked on, somewhat confused, but also glad that they didn't know what was going on. Because anything that put an evil smile on Quinn's face, and Santana in a pouty, bitchy mood could be nothing but awful and probably gross.

"Oh thank God, we're here," Artie said as the bus pulled up in front of the hotel. The energy among the group shifted almost instantly. Everyone was eager to get off the bus, to explore their surroundings, to finally see the city that some of them had been dreaming of visiting since they were little kids. It was electric, and palpable, and Quinn couldn't help the soft, dreamy smile that tugged at her lips when she saw Rachel practically bouncing in her seat like a little kid.

The smile didn't last very long. It vanished when she saw the brunette look up at Finn, all of that excitement, and enthusiasm directed at him, as she took his hand and stood up as soon as the doors were opened. She watched numbly as Mr. Schue laid out the ground rules. They weren't allowed to leave the hotel without an escort, they weren't allowed to leave their rooms without permission once they were settled, and if they wanted to order room service they had to ask first. _This trip is going to suck_, she thought, and stood up with the rest of the group and waited her turn to exit the bus that at that moment felt more like a coffin she desperately wanted to claw her way out of.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: just finished this a few minutes ago, and it's been proofread a little, but there may still be errors, especially towards the end. Thanks to everyone who's already reviewed, favorited, and added to their alert list, it's very much appreciated and you guys and/or girls are awesome!**

**I'd also like to ask you to go a little easy on Rachel for being a little clingy with Finn. I came up with the concept for this story back when I was still working on Out of My Way, before I planned on breaking the two up. Thank you for your time, and I hope you enjoy the chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

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As soon as the girls made it to their room and put their stuff away, Brittany grabbed a pillow and smacked Tina on the back of the head. Mercedes didn't hesitate to pick up another one, scream out "pillow fight!" for almost the entire hotel to hear, and The Great Pillow War of 2011 began. Santana and Brittany naturally formed an alliance against Mercedes and Tina, while Quinn was a lone wolf; attacking randomly at will, and not really caring who she hit as long as she hit someone directly in the face.

She stepped back from the chaos, and the splitting smile on her face fell a bit when she noticed Rachel sitting at the desk, writing in what looked like a journal. _I can't believe she brought it with her. I hope no one tries to steal it or read it, that'll end in blood. What in the world is she writing about right now?_ she thought, and her head cocked to the side a little. She looked at Rachel's reflection in the mirror, and the brunette looked serious as her hand quickly scribbled across the page. _Has she ever been invited to a slumber party in her life? She can't just sit there while we do this._

Determined to get Rachel involved, Quinn ran up behind her, and swung. The pillow hit the back of Rachel's head, but Quinn didn't stop running. She let out a squeal when Santana charged, and the two started battling one on one. She could see the fire in her friend's eyes, and it made her feel a little nervous. _Ok, maybe turning Santana on was a bad idea. She's channeling week's worth of sexual frustration, she's probably as strong as Super Man right now_, she thought, and held out a hand to try and stop the attack.

Santana had her pinned against the wall, relentlessly hitting her over and over again. She was about to call a time out because she could barely breathe and she didn't think it was fair that her friend had super strength on her side. She let out another squeal of surprise, when out of nowhere, Rachel came to her rescue. She watched, completely captivated, as Rachel lunged forward and actually fought Santana off.

_I wonder what kind of energy Rachel is channeling_, she thought, but refused to let her mind linger on it. The last thing she needed was to imagine the different ways Rachel was probably dealing with her sexual frustration now that the two were split up. _Do not think about it, do not think about it, do not think about it_, she repeated over and over as she stood against the wall and watched the fight slowly come to an end.

"Wait, we can't just stop. How do we determine who won?" Rachel asked, and Quinn had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling. Rachel was never happy doing something fun just for the sake of doing something fun. Her personality mixed with her fathers' influence created a strong competitive side, and Quinn just shook her head.

"Nobody wins a pillow fight, Rachel. That's not how it works," Brittany said as she fell back onto the bed on the farther side of the room. Quinn couldn't help but smile when she saw her friend reach up, and grab Santana by the wrist. She pulled her down, and with a small yelp of surprise, she landed on top of the taller girl. With a shy smile that displayed her dimples, Santana snuggled down against her girl. If she was worried what everyone else would think, she didn't show it. _I never thought I'd ever see the day Santana cuddled without being defensive about it_, Quinn thought.

"Then how does it work? Is there at least a point system? I did have Santana cornered for at least five minutes. That counts for something, right?" She walked back over to the desk as she spoke, and turned the chair around before sitting. Her face was flushed, she was breathing really heavy and there was a light sheen of sweat built up on her skin. She looked beautiful, and wild, and Quinn couldn't help but feel a little turned on. _She looks just like that time I pressed her up against the wall and rubbed her over her underwear until she came. Fuck, I need to get out of here_.

"Yes, Rachel, it counts. It means you get to brag that you had Santana on the run," Mercedes said, and she and Tina cackled evilly. The head Cheerio looked up, a scowl on her face, and she looked annoyed enough to kill.

"Tinkerbelle did not have me on the run. I just didn't want to retaliate and get shanked by Quinn. You saw what happened to The Jolly Green Giant when he offered Rachel his shoulder to sleep on. I like my head dent free, thank you very much," she spat at the others, who simply laughed despite the mean glare and harsh words. Before she could say anymore, Brittany gently touched Santana's cheek, her thumb gliding over her jaw as she softly grabbed her attention. She wrapped her fingers around the back of Santana's neck, and pulled her into a long, slow kiss.

_They are so going to have sex tonight, and I'm probably going to be laying right next to them. God, it's just like cheer camp all over again. Why can't they just keep it in their pants? Or keep their hands out of each others' pants? Wow, because you're not jealous at all, Quinn, nope not you,_ she thought bitterly as she slowly stormed passed them to avoid gaining attention, and slipped silently into the bathroom.

She didn't go completely unnoticed, however. Mercedes watched, tracking Quinn with only her eyes, and when the bathroom door was shut tight, she smiled a hyena smile; scheming, tricky, and only somewhat evil. She turned until she faced Rachel. She watched as she shut the journal sitting on the desk, and then placed it in her bag. Mercedes waited until the right moment, it had to be when Rachel wasn't really paying too much attention or she might get defensive or take it the wrong way. Her moment came when the brunette sat down on the end of the bed across from her and Tina.

"I gotta say, Rachel, I'm surprised you've been acting so cool with this break up," Mercedes said once the bathroom door had been shut. She made sure to keep her voice down since Quinn's behavior on the bus had been so erratic and unpredictable. No one knew what would set the other girl off. "When you and Finn broke up it was like nothing but crazy drama. It felt like one of those trashy reality shows."

"Yeah, I would you would have sung at least one torch song about lovers torn apart and wanting to make it right. Who knew Quinn would be the one to sing her feelings?" Tina added with a small smile. Rachel sat there, not sure how to respond to any of this. Where they really trying to have a genuine conversation with her? No one ever tried to talk to her about her love life before. She had always fantasized about being one of the pretty popular girls who constantly had people chasing after them and trying to stick their noses in her affairs. After she and Finn started dating with very little affect on the rest of the school, she had assumed no one would ever care.

"While I don't appreciate my break up with Finn being equated with one of those awful shows, I will admit that I have prepared many songs that I had planned to sing to Quinn under the guise of simply practicing emoting while performing," she said, and looked down at her lap. Thinking about all of the work that had gone into song selections, painstakingly practicing every one until she could sing them without breaking down into sobs, and trying to image the look on Quinn's face if she had performed them felt like a sharp sting in her chest. She took a deep breath and pushed it to the back of her mind. _We're just friends now, there's no need to be getting love sick. We made it to New York, just focus on that._

"But with Nationals coming up I didn't want to cause any distractions that could have led to our defeat. But now we're all focused, and ready, and I really do believe we have a solid chance of winning this year." She looked up at them again, and tried to smile. It felt weird, and forced and she quickly gave up. She broke eye contact, not wanting to focus on the looks of pity that they had in their eyes as they gave her small, encouraging smiles.

"Don't say shit like that, Arwen. You're going to jinx us," Santana said, her voice shooting daggers in their direction. The three looked over at the other bed, and couldn't help but roll their eyes. Santana was still lying on top of Brittany, but she was propped up on her elbows, their lips were swollen, their faces flushed, and their breathing was somewhat labored. _How long were they making out just four feet away from us? That is so unhygienic, and creepy_, the tiny diva thought.

"Arwen?" Rachel asked, her voice full of surprise and confusion. Santana just returned her question with an expression that said nothing but 'what's your problem?' "She's a beautiful elf princess, so calling me that isn't exactly an insult."

"Whatever, what's more important is how the hell did you hear any of that over the sound of Brittany's tongue in your mouth? I think the people in the next room could hear the smacking," Mercedes said with a chuckle. She glanced at Tina who smiled back.

"And since the people in the next room are the boys, maybe that's not such a good idea," she said, and the three shared a look of disgust.

"What's wrong, girl-Chang, afraid your arm candy is going to start fantasizing about us, and try for a threesome?" Santana said with mischief in her voice. Brittany just shook her head and gave her a light smack on the arm. Santana looked down, a small smile on her face and she quickly placed a light kiss on the blonde's lips.

"Don't be such a pig, Santana. I swear, you sound just like a guy sometimes, and not the gentleman kind," Mercedes said, and leaned against the headboard, getting more comfortable now that the heavy conversation seemed to be over with.

"Oh please, there's no such thing as a gentleman. Guys just act like that because they think opening doors, and pulling out chairs will get them laid faster. Anyone who thinks that shit is genuine is dumb," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"It isn't dumb to want to feel special," Brittany said, her voice laced with hurt and sadness. The three sitting on the other bed exchanged a look, the expressions on their faces clearly stating they were wondering how this was going to go down.

"No, Brit, that's not what I meant," Santana said, her voice softer than it was before as she looked into pale blue eyes. She ran her fingers through silky hair trying to calm the upset she could see building inside of her love. "Everyone wants to feel special, but guys who try to act all chivalrous aren't doing it to make a girl feel special. They just want in her pants."

"You don't know that," the blonde responded, her voice just as sad as before. Santana gave her a confused look, and Brittany let out an exasperated sigh. "You still don't get it." She gently pushed Santana off of her, the other girl nothing but confused as she watched the dancer walk over to the bathroom door. She knocked twice, and a few seconds later it opened just a crack. She slid inside and shut it softly behind her. Santana let out a groan of frustration, and flopped down onto the bed.

"Trouble in paradise?" Mercedes said, her voice light and bouncy as if at any second she were about to burst into song. She couldn't help but chuckle when Santana held up her middle finger.

"Fuck off, Wheezy," she spat, and let her arm drop back down onto the bed as if she no longer could handle the weight of it or the effort of holding it up.

"Now, Santana, there's no need to take out your frustration on the innocent bystanders," Rachel said, and tried as hard as she could to keep the smile out of her voice, but it slipped through a little.

"Whatever, dwarf. I just don't get what her deal is," Santana said, and stared up at the ceiling.

…

In the bathroom, Quinn and Brittany were sitting on the floor, leaning against the side of the bathtub. Fat, salty tears slowly ran down Brittany's eyes as Quinn gently ran her fingers through her hair, and softly pressed against her. She let out a small sigh as she thought about Brittany's question, but she wasn't sure what to say. Should she just placate the other girl, play dumb and pretend to not understand why Santana was behaving this way? _No, that doesn't feel right. Brittany deserves better than that_.

"Brit, you know what her deal is," she said softly, and rested her chin on Brittany's shoulder. She smoothed the other girl's hair back, and gently teased the baby fine hairs on the back of the taller girl's neck. She normally isn't this affectionate with anyone, but Brittany craves touch, especially when she's upset.

"It isn't, though. I mean, not all the time," she said, and her bottom lip quivered. She wiped away her tears, and sniffled. She tried to reign in her emotions, but this time she just couldn't hold them back. "Sometimes after we had sex, she would cling to me really tight, and-and she would be shaking, and the way she looked at me for a couple of hours after it was like I was the only person that mattered. I get that I'm not, like there's presidents and queens and stuff, but I just want her to make me feel like I'm the only one that matters before we have sex. Is that asking too much?"

Tears pricked the back of Quinn's eyes, making them sting and turn red. She knew exactly what Brittany was talking about. She may have never gone as far with Rachel as Santana and Brittany obviously had with each other, but that feeling was the same as the taller blonde just described. _Do not make this about you, do not make this about you. You broke up with Rachel, remember? She broke your heart, and she apologized and we're moving passed it, but she's just a friend, and you're not going to do anything to mess that up_, she thought, and cleared her throat.

"No, Brit, that's not asking too much," she said, and wrapped her arms around the other girl. Brittany leaned her whole body against Quinn, and when a fresh wave of tears came over her, she didn't even try to hold them back.

…

"What do you mean 'have I made an effort'? Fuck yes, I did," Santana said, her eyebrows furrowing as she glared at Mercedes. She was sitting up on the bed now, facing the three still sitting on the other bed. They were all turned so they faced her, and Rachel couldn't help but feel like they were some type of counsel or panel. _Who would have thought one day I would be helping Santana with dating advice? I think I may have been knocked unconscious and now I'm having a weird concussion dream like in _Wizard of Oz_, or maybe I woke up in a different dimension_.

"I sang _Iris_ to her, and now whenever we make out I always look into her eyes when we stop to catch our breath, and I tell her that I love her every day. I'll deny it if you tell anyone I said this, but that does make it better. Like, I feel more connected to her or whatever," she said, and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Wow, you are way more damaged than I thought," Tina said, her jaw slightly agape as she stared at Santana the way a person might look at an exhibit at a zoo. Santana glared with her best bitch stare and for a moment Rachel thought she was going to leap off the bed and attack the other girl.

"How's about I damage your face, Panda Express?" she spat, and Tina glared right back at her. Both girls became really tense, the air between them seemed to crackle with animosity, and both Rachel and Mercedes watched closely to see what would happen. Never being good with tense situations, Rachel was the one who broke.

"I think what Tina meant to say," she said, and placed a gentle hand on Tina's shoulder. It seemed to snap her out of it, and Rachel let out a small, relieved sigh. The other girl broke eye contact with Santana, and focused her gaze on the floor. "Is that we're all a little surprised you don't have a little more of a romantic side." Santana's jaw clenched and she threw her hands down on the bed in frustration.

"I sang her _Iris_," she said, the aggravation clear in her voice. Rachel had to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from smiling. _Oh my god, she's actually kind of cute right now. She's like one of those little boys who was never taught how to express themselves in a healthy way, so they pull the hair of the little girl that they like. And I never, ever, ever, ever thought I would think that Santana Lopez was cute. I think I need to write this down on a calendar or something in case in happens again._ "That shit is hella romantic."

"What have you done since then?" Mercedes asked, all playfulness gone from her voice. This was serious now, and the shift in the room was palpable. "Do you go out on dates?"

Santana scoffed, as if the question itself was offensive. "Yeah, Friday is our date night. And I always pay," she said, sounding less defensive than all of them thought she would. Mercedes nodded her head, almost like she was giving the other girl her approval. Rachel couldn't help but smile at the slight annoyed look on Santana's face, but she didn't dare say why she smiled. If the word cute was used to describe Santana Lopez, she would probably do something violent to disprove it, and Quinn wasn't around to protect her.

"Alright, that's a start," the other self proclaimed diva said with a small smile. "Do you hold doors open for her, tell her she looks beautiful, hold her hand in public, bring her flowers or any of that stuff?" They could tell by the look on Santana's face that the answer was going to be a big fat no, and then probably some insult to their intelligence.

"That stuff is so cliché," she said with a shake of her head. Rachel's heart clenched in her chest, and she suddenly felt sorry for Brittany. When the blonde had started dating Artie, Rachel had a hard time understanding why. Artie seemed like a nice enough boy, but the two had little in common, and Rachel had overheard him belittle her occasionally, saying things that Santana in a million years never would. But Artie walked her to class, sometimes even letting her sit on his lap while he wheeled them down the halls. Artie held her hand, and called her beautiful, and went out of his way to make her smile. "None of that really matters."

…

"Did Rachel ever make you feel like you were the only one that matters?" Brittany said, lifting her head were it had been resting against the top of Quinn's. She looked into her friend's hazel eyes, and couldn't help but notice that they looked a little more brown than hazel at the moment. She wasn't sure if it was the lighting, what Quinn was wearing, or maybe they just turned that color when she was really sad. Brittany had never noticed before, but she made a mental reminder to ask Quinn about it later.

"Yeah she has," Quinn said with a small, wistful smile pulled at her lips as she let the memory flow through her mind's eye. "She did often, but the time it really hit me was on our first date. First she took me out to dinner, so I thought she was just going to take me to see a movie. Because that's what everyone else always does for dates, you know?" Fiery tears scorched the backs of her eyes, and quickly blurred her vision. They didn't get a chance to fall before Brittany reached out, and gently wiped them away with the pad of her thumb as she nodded her head.

"But she didn't do that. She drove forty-minutes outside of Lima to this little café because she did some research and found out that every week they have a live poetry reading. She's the first person who ever really paid attention when I talked, and remembered the little things, like how much I love poetry and literature, and how my favorite dessert is chocolate truffles, and she could just tell by looking at my face if I was having a fat day. She never told me that I was dumb and shouldn't feel insecure, or just dismissed it like everyone else. She would just hug me and call me beautiful."

The molten hot tears poured down her cheeks, and she wiped them away quickly. _God, I should be over all of this by now. We broke up forever ago. So why am I not over it?_ she thought, and clung a little tighter to the other girl. She tried to let the presence of her friend calm her down. Normally Brittany always managed to bring her comfort whenever she was caught at a weak moment. She rested her head against Brittany's shoulder and breathed deep. She smelled like clean laundry, some kind of flowery body spray, and root beer. It reminded Quinn of hot summer days spent at the lake, and she held onto that feeling as hard as she could.

"If we love them so much, how can they hurt us so bad? That doesn't sound like it should be possible," Brittany said after a moment of silence. It caused a loud chuckle to rumble in the back of Quinn's throat, and she tried to hold it back, so what ended up coming out was an ugly sounding snort. She pulled back from the taller girl and wiped her eyes, trying as hard as she could to get this feeling under control.

"You're right," she said with a small nod, and leaned against the bathtub. She knew she sounded like a petulant child. She could already hear her mother's voice in the back of her head, telling Quinn how right she was, telling her how she knew from the start that Rachel girl was no good. Pretending that everything was fine when her heart was slowly decaying was probably the hardest thing about the situation. "It shouldn't be. It's just not fair."

…

"It's not supposed to be fair," Rachel said with a small smile on her face. She just couldn't seem to get over the weirdness of the situation, and she would be lying if she said she wasn't feeling a little giddy from it. "We're talking about love, Santana, not a game. Just because you're with someone doesn't mean you should give up trying to impress them. You should always treat them as if you're courting them."

"'Courting?' Jesus, Berry, no one's used that word since Shakespeare times. Evolve already," Santana spat back with a roll of her eyes.

"Stop deflecting your anger on us, Santana," Tina said, but her tone was calm. It became obvious that Santana doesn't do well outside of her comfort zone, and the three girls were treating her like a cornered animal. "Just because you and Brittany have slept together before doesn't mean you should just expect it whenever you want it."

"I don't expect her to do that. I'm not that much of a bitch. But we've been dating for six weeks, and she doesn't want to do more than kiss. She says she wants it to be special, but what does that even mean? Lighting candles and playing sappy music isn't going to change anything."

"Yes it does," the three said at the same time. Santana stared at them with surprise, as if their words had slapped her across the face. Instead of getting angry she just shook her head, and let out a long sigh. Her whole body seemed to deflate, as if she had finally accepted the fact that these three know more about something than she does. _And they're freaking losers. How the hell did this happen?_ she thought, and resisted the urge to say something insulting and storm out of the room.

"Maybe candles and sappy music is pretty cliché," Tina said, and Santana just nodded in agreement. "But you don't have to do that stuff if you don't want to. You just need to make some kind of an effort. Something that will tell her without words that she's different, that she's not just a living blow up doll scratching an itch. It needs to say that you want to be with her because you love her, most just because you need to get off."

"I've been doing that for months now. She said she couldn't be with me if I was going to treat her like I did before, that she couldn't be with me if I wasn't willing to commit. Well I'm fucking committed. I haven't been with anyone in months. I've been waiting for her. What the fuck is more special than that?" she asked, her frustration made her voice sound strained. She looked like she was either going to explode or break down into tears, either way it wouldn't be something the others were equipped to deal with.

"I know that this question is going to seem a little redundant, but just humor us, ok?" Rachel asked, her tone was soft and low as if she were afraid Santana would spook. She watched as the other girl let out a long, frustrated sigh, and simply nodded her head. "Ok, why do you want to be with Brittany again in an intimate way?" When Santana groaned Rachel couldn't help but giggle. "Just take your time and use your words."

"I will punch you, Smurfette," she said with a glare, but all it did was make Rachel giggle.

"That isn't staying calm or using your words. Besides, Quinn would kill you." The other two had to bite their lips to keep from laughing. Santana was on the edge, very close to losing it, and they weren't going to be responsible for – or the first victims of – a killing spree. So they stayed quiet, and they watched while she did take a few minutes to think about it, her eyes focusing on the bedspread while they waited with anticipation.

"This is so stupid. I can't believe I'm about to say this. If any of you repeat this to anyone I'll kill you, you got me?" she asked, looking at each of them directly in the eyes, and they slowly nodded their heads. She let out a small sigh and looked back down at the bedspread, unable to maintain eye contact. "When I'm with Brittany, when there's nothing between us at all, it's like the rest of the world just melts away. We're not freaks or bitchy cheerleaders or glee losers. She makes me feel like I matter, and not because I'm popular and smoking hot, but because this amazing person loves me, and for as long as it lasts, that's enough. And I know I make her feel the same. She told me once, but I wasn't ready to hear something like that."

She finally looked up at the others, and they all had tears swelling up in their eyes. She felt exposed, with nowhere to run and hide. Her hands were shaking as she waited for them to say something. _They probably think that was the dumbest shit ever. God, what the hell is wrong with me? I don't have to worry about what they think. I'm Santana fucking Lopez, my opinion is the only one that matters. I wonder how many times I need to repeat that before it's true_, she thought and let out a long, shaky exhale.

"If Mike and I ever break up, can I have a threesome with you and Brittany?" Tina asked, and the tension in the air immediately broke as all of them laughed at her words. The three wiped at their eyes, careful not to ruin the makeup, and Santana felt all of the anxiety in her body begin to slowly drain. She opened up and shared her feelings, and nothing bad happened.

"You'll have to get in line," Mercedes said, and the three laughed again. Santana's eyebrows furrowed a little, and her jaw clenched. Of course they were teasing her. How could she have thought they wouldn't? "If you tell her that, Santana, then she won't be able to resist. And there's nothing cliché or stupid about candles. They're pretty and smell nice, so quit hatin." _Ok, so maybe I need to stop jumping to conclusions_, she thought and let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding.

"I agree," Rachel said as she finished wiping away the last of her tears. "And candlelight makes a room look warm and comfortable, and it makes everyone's skin look soft and amazing." Then she looked over at Tiny and Mercedes with a small, mock glare on her face. "And you're both going to have to wait your turn because if anyone is going to have a threesome with Santana and Brittany it would be me. I'm single, and bisexual, and Santana and I have already kissed. It was full of passion, and chemistry, and those are two very important things when engaging in sexual behavior with someone else."

"No one is having a threesome with us," Santana said, and let out a little sigh. She rolled her eyes when all they did was laugh, and she shook her head. "This is the weirdest conversation I've ever had."

"You're dating a girl who used to keep a dead bird in her locker. It's physically impossible that this is the weirdest conversation you've ever had," Mercedes said, and Santana was about to bite back. She was going to rip Mercedes' stupid head off for saying anything bad about Britt, but when she saw the smile on her face – soft, but not teasing – she knew the other girl didn't mean any harm by that.

"Is everyone else just going to ignore the fact that Rachel and Santana kissed, and Santana is still alive?" Tina asked, nothing but confusion lacing her voice. "How did you pull that off without Quinn clawing your eyes out?" Her eyes kept going back and forth between Santana and Rachel, and what she saw made her even more confused. Rachel looked embarrassed, her cheeks were flushed, and she was staring down at her lap. Santana, on the other hand, was smirking that evil little smirk of hers that she normally gets when she's plotting something.

"Hobbit over here kept complaining about that game of spin the bottle at her party, so I kissed her to shut her up about it. Quinn was too turned on by the hotness of it to do anything about it," she said with a little laugh as she watched Rachel squirm. _I really need to start bringing it up more. Maybe if I start flirting with Rachel a little, Quinn will pull her head out of her ass. Maybe if I help them get back together they'll let me watch when they finally hook up_, she thought with a dirty smirk.

"She didn't do anything about it at the time because we were helping you rehearse _Broken_, but she snuck over to my house later on," Rachel said, her voice low, as if she were almost too embarrassed to get the words out. She looked up from her lap, and right at the girl sitting across from her. She could tell by the look in Santana's eyes that she wanted to know more. She had always tried to press Rachel for details about her and Quinn's love life, or lack thereof in Santana's opinion. _Maybe I should give her details just to mess with her_, the diva thought. _It would serve her right for being such a bitch to me and Cindy_.

"And that's all we need to know about that story," Mercedes said before Rachel could continue. She blushed a little harder and looked back down at her lap. She had forgotten that the other two were in the room, and couldn't believe she almost gave up such intimate details in front of an audience. "So, Santana, how are you going to tell Brittany she makes you melt inside? It needs to be perfect."

…

"You're going to have to do something special for her first," Quinn said, her voice rough from her sore throat. The crying she did earlier had taken its toll. She just hoped her voice was back to normal before their performance or Rachel would have a fit. The two were now lying on the bathroom floor, Brittany's legs were propped up on the edge of the bathtub, and Quinn's head was resting on Brittany's stomach. The taller girl was absently running her fingers though silky locks as she stared at the ceiling.

"What do you mean?" Brittany asked. Her brain felt like mush from crying for so long. Her eyes were sore, her face felt tight and all she wanted was to curl up in Santana's arms until she felt better. She couldn't do that, however. She was determined not to forgive her too quickly or else Santana would never change.

"Well, Santana's never really dated before. She's never been in a serious relationship that was about emotions instead of helping her reputation," she said, and had to actively force herself not to think about Rachel as those words fell from her lips. "I think she doesn't know how to treat you special or what you mean when you say the word special because no one's ever treated her that way. It's kind of like solving a math problem. It's easier to learn how to do it if someone shows you instead of trying to figure it out on your own."

"You're probably right," she said, her eyebrows furrowed and she worried her bottom lip the more she thought about it. "But what am I supposed to do? Santana always plans our dates, and she doesn't like it when I try to be in charge. Well, at least when we're not having sex." Quinn blushed, and shut her eyes. _Don't picture it, don't you DARE picture it. Fuck, I'm picturing it._ Images of Brittany and Santana, with Brittany on top, holding Santana's wrists to the bed as the girl begged and squirmed flashed through Quinn's mind.

"Make it a surprise," she said, her voice dropping an octave as her body responded to the picture still running through her mind. "That way she can't say no. You could tell her you're just going to see a movie or something, but really you have a picnic packed and a big blanket in your trunk. And you could drive to the park at night to lay down and watch the stars. You could even take some candles to make it a little more romantic. Then tell her what you told me, how she makes you feel like you're the only one who matters, so you wanted to do something nice to make her feel that way too."

"You really think that would work?" Brittany asked, her voice full of hope and enthusiasm. Quinn couldn't help but smile. _That's how Brittany is supposed to sound; happy, carefree, and excited. I hate it when she sounds so sad_.

"Yeah. Don't tell her I told you this, but after I saw Rachel kiss that other girl, Santana took care of me all weekend. I told her how I had planned on taking Rachel to watch a meteor shower and maybe pack a nice dinner. Santana told me she's always wanted to do that; to have a picnic under the stars. I think it would be the perfect surprise." The two went quiet for a while as Quinn listened to the strange gurgling sounds of Brittany's stomach, and Brittany continued to play with Quinn's hair.

"Hey, Quinn?" Brittany asked after a few minutes of silence. She sounded a little hesitant, and the other blonde's eyebrows furrowed at the sound. She had never heard Brittany sound like that before.

"Yeah, Britt?" she asked, and let out a small sigh as Brittany ran her blunt nails along her scalp.

"Are you going to forgive Rachel for what she said to you?" Her words felt like a punch to Quinn's gut, and she actually gasped at the shock of it. "I know you're not that mad about that girl kissing her because it wasn't her fault. And you used to say a lot of really mean things to her, and she forgave you."

"This is different," Quinn said, her voice thick. Her throat felt swollen and strange as she tried to fight passed the emotions wrapping around her vocal cords. "We weren't dating when I said those things. She took the one thing she knew would hurt me the most, and she threw it in my face."

"You used to do that all the time to her, Quinn, even when you weren't upset," she said, and her fingers never stopped playing with her hair, fingernails running along her scalp. She was trying as hard as she could – without being too obvious – to sooth the hurt she was unintentionally causing. "You told her that her dads should sell her back, and that they weren't a real family because she doesn't have a mom and a dad. You said it because you knew it would hurt the most, and she still fell in love with you. She only said one mean thing, and everyone can see she's really sorry, and wants to be your girl again."

Quinn laid there quietly because she had no idea how to respond to that. She knew Brittany was right. Rachel had no reason to forgive her other than her own feelings telling her to do so. She had no reason to trust Quinn other than the blonde's promise that she would never treat her so terribly again. She had kept her word because she could never say or do such terrible things to the diva since her feelings for her had shifted drastically, but Rachel had taken a huge leap of faith.

"Rachel's the only person I've ever really loved," she said, and toyed with the hem of Brittany's shirt. "I didn't love Finn. I thought I did, I wanted to, but I think I tricked myself into believing I loved him because it made being with him easier. He's not a bad guy, but we just never really had a connection." She sniffled as fresh tears swelled in her eyes. "But Rachel, I love Rachel. I love her so much I would have willingly left my house if my mother had made me choose.

"When I went to her house that day, I was going to give myself to her completely; mind, body, and soul. I didn't expect her to let me touch her back. I didn't even expect her to take off any of her clothes. I was just going to let her explore as much of my body as she wanted, to show her just how much I love her. I was going to do something special, and instead I saw her kissing someone else, and she never told me about it. I was the one who confronted her about it." She sniffled again, and took in a deep shaky breath to try and calm her frantic heart. "I get that she was trying to protect her friend, but seeing her with someone else hurt me so bad. I don't think I'll ever get that image out of my head."

"That's not Rachel's fault, Quinn," Brittany said, her voice gentle and low. Quinn wanted to get angry, she wanted to yell and scream that it was Rachel's fault, that Cindy had been flirting with her all week and she did nothing to deter her. But she was just too tired to do so. "She didn't know you were going to do that. I think you need to forgive yourself first, and then it'll be easier to forgive Rachel."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, her voice sounded just as confused as she felt. She looked up into Brittany's eyes as the other girl gently scratched the back of her neck, and Quinn's body relaxed at the feeling. _Why does she know my body so well? Is she a freaking crazy-person-whisperer or something?_

"For thinking that you made a mistake," she said, and Quinn's eyebrows furrowed deeper, showing just how confused she felt. "You fell in love with Rachel, and you trusted her, and she made a mistake and you got hurt. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have fallen for her in the first place." _Why is Brittany so freaking smart? She might as well have stabbed me in the freaking heart! No wonder Santana runs scared every time she tries to talk about their feelings, 'cause she's too right about everything._

"I think being with her made you better," she continued when Quinn remained silent. "You weren't so angry all the time, and you stopped caring as much about what other people think of you. And you don't smile anymore. When you were still with Rachel, even before she told us you guys were dating, you used to smile all the time." Quinn had no idea how to respond to any of that. So she shut her eyes, and rubbed her face against Brittany's shirt, wiping away the tears.

"We're trying to be friends," she said, and Brittany continued to run her fingers through her hair. The action did calm her raw nerves a little, but Quinn could still feel the ball of anxiety and hurt growing in her chest like a wildfire. "I think that's all I can handle right now even though I miss her like crazy."

"Will you promise me something?" she asked, but it didn't sound like she was asking a question. Quinn was very familiar with this tone of voice coming from the other girl, but she wasn't used to it being directed at her. This was the tone that was usually reserved for Santana when the blonde would "ask" the other girl to get her a box of DOTS at the movie theater, or a refill of their popcorn.

"Depends on what it is," she said, and smiled up at her. _I am not as whipped as Santana. I don't think it's physically possible for anyone to be as whipped as her. Even when they were just friends, Brittany had her wrapped around her finger. God, that phrase has a whole different meaning now that they're dating again_, she thought, and tried not to laugh. The last thing she needed was Brittany getting angry for not taking her seriously.

"If your heart is ready to forgive Rachel, but your brain is still scared, will you listen to your heart instead? 'Cause you never listened to it before, and you were so miserable all the time. Just promise me you won't ignore it." Quinn stopped breathing for a few seconds as she mulled over those words. _She's right, I never listened to my heart before. I did everything I could to gain and protect my reputation and popularity. That sounds so freaking stupid. Why the hell did that used to be so important to me?_

"I promise, Britt. I don't think you'd let me ignore it even if I tried."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: As always, this has not been looked at by my beta yet, so please forgive any mistakes. I'm not sure when chapter 4 is going to be finished, but I'll try to have it up by the end of the weekend.**

* * *

Quinn peaked out from around the curtain while Rachel and Finn sang their duet. Her breath was caught in her throat, and tears stung behind her eyes. Seeing Rachel on stage, the spot light shining brightly on her while a huge crowd of people watched on made her heart seize in her chest. _This is where she's meant to be, _she thought, and quickly bit back her tears so she wouldn't ruin her makeup. _God, she's so beautiful right now. I don't think I've ever seen her look so happy before._

But then Quinn looked over at Finn, and her jaw clenched at what she saw. _He is not that good of an actor_, she thought, and had to stop herself from running up on the stage. _Get your eyes off of her you stupid oaf. She doesn't want you anymore! _She glared at Finn as they walked towards each other like they were supposed to. Even though it was the planned choreography, Quinn hated that they were getting so close. She hated that Finn was still staring at her girl - _No, not my girl anymore, dammit_ - with those big puppy eyes, and that little smirk on his face.

"Holy shit," she heard Santana mutter behind her, and grab onto her arm. The end of the song had come, and when they finished the last note, Finn leaned down and kissed the girl he had longed for since they had broken up. _That motherfucker! I'm going to kill him!_ Quinn tried to take a step forward, but Santana held her tight. "No you don't, Quinn. If you decapitate that bastard in front of the judges we'll lose for sure. Just stay calm and after all of this shit is over with I'll help you cut his nuts off."

Quinn just nodded her head, and took in a deep breath. She felt like she couldn't breathe out, that the air in her lungs was trapped there for all eternity, and that feeling made her want to run outside to try and get some fresh, cooler oxygen. But she couldn't leave because it was time for her to go on stage and sing the next song. And if it wasn't for Santana still gripping her wrist tightly, she would have remembered that she needed to leave the safety of the curtain, and stand in front of the crowd and behave respectably instead of breaking Finn's nose, and stomping on his giant feet.

She didn't remember anything that happened after taking the stage. It was all a big blur of dance moves that she barely remembered doing, and singing the songs they barely had any time to prepare. All she remembered of that performance was walking off stage and as soon as they were out of earshot, Rachel ran off with Finn hot on her heels. _God, when he is going to learn to just let it go? He can't have anyone he wants, he isn't that cool._

Quinn didn't even hesitate before she ran off down the halls. She was so focused on getting Finn away from Rachel that she didn't notice Santana and Brittany following right behind her, flanking her just like they used to when she was captain of the Cheerios. She ended up in the hallway where their rooms were, and Rachel was fumbling with the key card for the girls' room. Finn was standing beside her, using his height and bulk to try and block her from the door. Quinn didn't hear a word that he was saying. All she saw were the tears streaming down Rachel's face, and a giant boy trying to stop her from getting away.

"Finn, what the hell do you think you're doing?" she yelled, and Rachel jumped, startled, and dropped the plastic card to the floor. Finn looked up with an expression that was nothing but annoyance on his face when he saw the Unholy Trinity rushing towards him.

"Go away, Quinn, this doesn't have anything to do with you," he said, and walked around to the other side of the brunette, blocking her from Quinn's view. "Rachel, please, just talk to me. The judges aren't going to punish us for that. It was spontaneous and romantic, exactly what that song was about." Quinn rushed over as quickly as she could in her heels, and she finally noticed that Santana and Brittany were with her. She felt a sense of relief wash over her at the knowledge that she wasn't alone in this. _Hopefully Santana has her switch blade. Lord knows where she puts it but she always pulls it out when she needs it._

"I think she's made it more than clear that she doesn't want to talk with you, Finn," the former captain said, and pushed herself in between her exes. Finn towered over her, trying to use his height in an intimidating way, but Quinn wasn't scared. "She's crying, and she's trying to ignore you, so get the hell out of here and just leave her alone." Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw Santana pull her own key card, and quickly slid it into the lock.

"Shut up, Quinn. She doesn't want to talk to you even more than she doesn't want to talk to me. So just stay out of it," he said, and tried to follow as Rachel, Santana and Brittany made their way into the room. Quinn stepped in front of him, squaring her shoulders, and looking up at him with nothing but fury in her eyes. "Get the hell out of my way. I need to talk to Rachel."

"This is the girls' room, Finn. You're not allowed in here unless Mr. Schue says it's ok, and he isn't going to give you permission to go in there right now. So why don't you go watch the competition with the rest of the club?" She backed up, never taking her eyes off of Finn, and as soon as she was inside Santana slammed the door in his face.

She took a deep breath to try and calm her frazzled nerves. She very slowly turned around, and she almost lost it again at the sight before her. Rachel was sitting on the edge of the bed, her arms wrapped around her stomach as if she was in pain, and she was sobbing. Brittany was sitting next to her, gently running her fingers through her hair with one hand, and lightly rubbing Rachel's arm with the other, trying to bring her as much comfort as she could.

Quinn didn't hesitate before she rushed forward. She sat down next to Rachel, and took the other girl into her arms. Rachel rested her head against Quinn's shoulder, and sobbed into her neck. The blonde rubbed her back, made soft shushing sounds, and did everything she could think of to try and calm the other girl down. She would have sung to her, maybe the song she sang when Rachel had called her near tears and asked for her best friend to come help her. She would have, if she hadn't been so angry she was actually seeing little black spots.

"How could I be so stupid?" Rachel asked, her voice muffled by Quinn's neck, and the sobs still trying to rip their way out of her throat. "He said he just wanted to be friends, he said he was over everything, and he was happy just to be my friend. How could I fall for that? Why am I so dumb?" Quinn's bottom lip quivered, and she had to bite the insides of her cheeks to stop herself from crying at the utter defeat and brokenness of Rachel's voice. She wanted to kill Finn, it was going to happen before they left New York; she would make sure of it.

"You're not stupid, Rachel. You always try to see the best in everyone. You're always willing to give someone a second chance," Quinn whispered to her, and her voice caught in her throat. 'Don't make this about you, you ass. She's upset, and the last thing she needs is you making her feel guilty for what happened,' she thought and took a calming breath. "And Finn knows that, and he took advantage of it. He's the dumbass, Rach, not you."

"Don't ever tell anyone I said this because I'll deny it 'til the day I die, but Quinn's right. Giagantor just wanted to get you back, so he played nice. It's what he always does," Santana said, and sat down on the bed next to Brittany. The taller girl wrapped her arms around Santana and snuggled against her. Rachel was completely wrapped up in Quinn so she no longer needed Brittany's soothing touches, but the blonde still felt the itch to rub her hands over Rachel's back to try and calm her down. Santana was more than happy to be a surrogate for her loving nature.

"I should have known that," Rachel said around another loud sob. Quinn began to gently rock her as she rubbed her back with one hand, and gently massaged her scalp with the other. She occasionally ran her blunt fingernails along the skin, knowing how much Rachel loves that. "And look at what I'm doing now. How many times are you going to have to do this for me?" Her voice sounded so rough and harsh, Quinn was surprised when the diva didn't have a coughing fit.

"Don't worry about it, Rachel. You need someone, and I'm here, that's how it works. That's how we work, and that doesn't stop just because we're not...together anymore," she whispered, and it caused Rachel to cry harder. She tried to speak, but she couldn't form the words. Instead, Quinn started to hum the song she had used to calm Rachel down the day she went to her house and found her sobbing into her pillow. It took awhile, it felt like hours, but her tears eventually slowed, and the sobs petered out.

_I'm going to kill that asshat, I swear to God_, Quinn thought, as she very carefully laid Rachel down on the bed. She was too tired to hold herself up, and judging by how long she had been crying, probably really dehydrated. So she stood up, giving Brittany a very poignant look as she walked by, and retrieved a plastic cup of water from the bathroom. She knew Rachel would complain later about the health hazards of tap water, and all of the heavy metals and other pollutants that are in it, but right now Quinn was more concerned with other things.

When she walked back into the bedroom, she stopped dead in her tracks. Both Santana and Brittany were lying down on the bed. They were both snuggled up with Rachel in the middle. Santana was holding her from behind while Brittany was facing her, Rachel's head firmly planted against her chest. _Did the bathroom contain a portal to another dimension that I didn't know about? Is this the Twilight Zone? Where the fuck was Rod Sterling's unnecessary introduction to let me know what I was about to see?_

"Here, Rachel, I got you some water," she said and sat down at the foot of the bed. She was surprised again when Brittany was the one who sat up. She carefully took the cup from Quinn's hand, and very gently wrapped her hand around the back of Rachel's neck. Santana helped guide the other girl into a sitting position, and Rachel sniffled loudly as she took the plastic container, and took a few sips. _Ok I am definitely in the Twilight Zone. I know Brittany is practically Mother Theresa when people are sick or sad, but Santana only cares when Brittany is sick or sad._

"I'm going to go let Mr. Schue know we're up here. I don't want him freaking out, and calling the cops or something," she said, but before she could get up, Rachel reached out lightning quick and grabbed a hold of her wrist.

"Please don't go. Santana can tell Mr. Schue where we are. Won't you, Santana?" she asked, and looked down at the other girl. Santana just nodded her head, and forced a small smile onto her face. "See, she is going to go tell him. So you can stay here, if you want to." Her eyes darted nervously around, first from Quinn's eyes, then to the bedspread, then to the cup, then back to Quinn but she looked at her forehead instead of making eye contact.

"Don't worry, I'm going to stay," she said, and smiled a little, trying to put the other girl at ease. She moved into Santana's spot when the other girl stood up from the bed. Rachel immediately laid down, and Quinn didn't hesitate before she wrapped her arms around the smaller girl. She let out a small sigh when the diva snuggled into her, her head pressed under her chin, and they both inhaled deeply through their noses, breathing in as much of the other as they could.

"Hey Britt, let's go see if Mr. Schue will let us order something to eat," Santana said, and held onto her girl's hand. Brittany was a little reluctant, and her hesitance was obvious to the other two when she looked down at Rachel. She couldn't stand the thought of leaving her alone when she was so broken, but when she looked into Quinn's eyes she saw something there that made her want to smile. She bit it back because she knew if she brought attention to it Quinn's emotional walls would snap back into place.

"Ok," she said and stood up from the bed. "Yesterday I saw someone eating a slice of chocolate cake and it had this gooey stuff in the middle. I had a dream last night were miniature and crawling around inside, and you kept complaining that it was making your hair all gross. Let's share one of those." Santana's laughter echoed down the hall as she opened the door and stepped out with Brittany right on her heels. As soon as the door clicked shut behind them, the room was cast into silence.

Rachel squirmed a little, trying to get even closer to Quinn despite their bodies being pressed tightly together. She let out a deep sigh as just the smell of the other girl began to work its magic. The tension in her body seemed to ease, the anxiety calming as every breath pulled in more of the other girl. _I don't deserve this_, she thought and wrapped an arm around Quinn's waist. _I practically threw my friendship with Finn right in her face. I can't believe this happened again. How many freaking times am I going to be friends with someone who likes me, and Quinn is forced to watch? I don't care what she says, I am a freaking idiot._

"Hey, stop thinking so hard. You're going to get wrinkles," the blonde said, and soothed her hands up and down Rachel's back. The brunette couldn't help the quiet laugh that bubbled in her throat despite her efforts to keep it inside. "That's better. I hate it when you cry."

"Because you can't stand to see me in pain? I'm an actress, Quinn, I'm going to go through a lot of heartache trying to make it on Broadway. Tears are inevitable," she said with a small smile on her face. _I had forgotten how good it felt to talk with her like this. Maybe if I just shut my eyes and forget about everything I can pretend things are back to normal, back to the way they're supposed to be._

"No, that's not it. When you cry your face gets all blotchy and it just doesn't look attractive. You're not a pretty crier," she said, her voice thick with the laughter she was holding back. She yelped in surprise when Rachel smacked her on the thigh, hard. "Ow! I'm just being honest with you. You don't have to be so mean about it."

"You're the one who's being mean. Since when are girls expected to look attractive when they cry? That doesn't seem very fair," she said, and nuzzled Quinn's throat. _This isn't fair_, Quinn thought, a frown working its way onto her face. _This isn't fucking fair at all. She's in my arms, but this doesn't count. Come on, heart, make up your mind. Are we ready to forgive her?_

"Please, do you not watch television? All of the actresses on TV look amazing when they cry. They don't even smear their makeup," she said, and this time she didn't try to hold back the throaty chuckle. Rachel laughed too, but she didn't say anything in response. She was too busy basking in the feeling of being in Quinn's arms once again. Even if it was cheating, and it didn't mean the same as it did two months ago, it was still comforting.

"So, what are you going to do about Finn?" Quinn asked after a few moments of silence. She wanted to punch herself in the face as soon as the words left her mouth. Even though she was almost dying of curiosity, she also didn't want to know. _What if Rachel still wants to be his friend? Or worse, what if she wants to get back together with him? He kissed her in front of thousands of people. On a stage, at Nationals. Even if it was idiotic and caught her off guard, it's still pretty romantic. At least on paper it is. She's really embarrassed about it._

"I'm not talking to Finn anymore," she said, her voice hard and cold. "I don't care why he did what he did. It's not ok, and I'm not going to forgive him. That was unprofessional, and we're going to lose now, I can feel it." Fresh tears welled in her eyes, and immediately fell, smearing against Quinn's neck. The blonde rubbed her back again, trying to calm her down, but her efforts were in vain. "I finally made it to New York and I'm going to have nothing to show for it."

"Hey, Rachel, calm down, ok? I'm sure his heart was in the right place. He's just an idiot who doesn't know how to express himself. I'm sure he's one of those boys who used to pull on little girls' hair if he had a crush on them." Rachel laughed around her sobs, and it sounded strange and harsh. Quinn winced in sympathy. _Her throat is probably aching right now; first from singing her heart out, and now all this crying. Maybe I should call room service and ask for some hot tea._

"That's a pretty accurate description," she said, and sniffled. Quinn couldn't help but chuckle, and rub Rachel's back, trying her best to calm the other girl down. Just when it seemed like it was starting to work, fresh tears sprung up and immediately fell. "What if we lose? It'll by all my fault. Everyone is going to hate me, and they barely tolerate me now. I never should have trusted Finn. I'm such a fool." If she was going to say anything else, her harsh sobs cut her off, and Quinn just held her and let her cry. If Rachel was going to keep working herself up into a frenzy then all Quinn could really do was hold her until she wore herself out.

The minutes felt like hours, but Quinn knew that wasn't right. If it was really that long the others would be back by now. She didn't say anything, didn't try to move even though her muscles and hips were starting to feel sore from lying in the same position without moving at all. She felt a little bit of relief when Rachel's sobs began to peter out, and the only sounds coming from her were the occasional sniffles and heavy breathing. _Just leave it alone, she's upset and she doesn't need you upsetting her more_, she thought and bit her bottom lip in an effort to keep quiet. It didn't seem to matter because she opened and her mouth, and spoke anyway.

"Brittany said that you're still really sad, and that you miss me a lot. Is that true? Because lately you've been real...chummy with Finn, and you don't act all that upset," she asked, her voice skeptical, but the brunette could hear the hope lacing those husky words. _God_ _damn Brittany and her insight_, she thought and let out a little sigh.

"Yeah, I am," she said and felt her whole body deflate. She didn't realize how good saying those words would feel, but they immediately eased a tension that had been coiling inside her belly. Now that it was gone she could feel just how heavy it had felt. "I haven't been showing it because I didn't want you to think I'm pathetic, still mooning over the girl I hurt so badly. You said that we're over with, and you just want to be friends, and I've been trying so hard to respect that. That's why I've been spending so much time with Finn and Kurt. They're the only ones who are willing to hang out with me outside of glee, and I needed as much distraction as I could get to try and ignore how much I miss you."

They went quiet, both getting lost in their thoughts. Rachel tried really hard to focus on everything but the feel of Quinn's skin against her own. She listened to the traffic outside, cars honking and moving at a snail's pace as everyone tried as hard as they could to get to where they were going without losing their patience and killing someone. She tried to picture what it was going to be like when she finally graduated high school and made her way here. What it might feel like walking among the rest of the people, getting lost in the crowd, maybe even spotting a celebrity or two at a restaurant or walking their dog in Central Park. She even sang the song _Downtown_ in her head in an effort to block out all of the memories trying to flash before her mind.

For her part, Quinn was trying to drown out the rest of the world, and focus solely on the girl in her arms. She knew that this wasn't like it used to be. She was holding her, but she didn't have her, which meant there were certain rules she had to follow. Rule number one: no kissing. She wasn't allowed to leave little comforting kisses on the top of Rachel's head. She wasn't allowed to pull back, gently lift Rachel's chin, and press her lips to the ones lightly grazing her chest. She wasn't allowed to do that anymore because they were just friends.

Rule number two was just as important as rule number one. She had to keep her hands in respectable places. She could hold Rachel, but her hands had to remain on her back at all times. She wasn't allowed to let them wander down to her hips to softly pull her body closer. She wasn't allowed to let her fingertips softly caress the girl's smooth thighs. She definitely wasn't allowed to let her hands palm Rachel's perfect ass, or softly cup her breasts. It was something she thought about every time she saw Rachel in one of her hideous sweaters, and short skirts, and now that they were so close, it was obvious how much she had missed the other girl's body.

Rule number three was probably the hardest one to ignore. She wasn't allowed to use her own body to let Rachel know how she felt. She still wasn't great at opening up and telling the girl about her emotions. Those skills had been repressed growing up in a house where feelings weren't something anyone ever talked about unless it was an angry confrontation when tempers finally boiled over. No matter how much she wanted to take the other girl by the wrist and guide her hand up to her breast, her beneath her skirt and give her the free reign she wanted to give those six weeks ago, she couldn't because she had to stay strong.

Her heart still had the black and purple bruises from being smacked so hard at seeing Cindy and Rachel alone in that room. Had it been any other room in the house she might not have taken it quite so hard. She might have been able to confront from then and there instead of running with her tail between her legs, and waiting for Rachel to be the one to bring it up. Maybe if she had been able to do that, they would have been completely honest with her, and she would have been able to help Cindy feel less alone, explain that they come from similar situations, and her secret would have been safe with both of them. But in happened in Rachel's bedroom, and had felt like a punch to the chest.

That room was their sanctuary. It had been since the first day Quinn followed Rachel home to explore their confusion. In that room Quinn could be herself, her real self instead of the farce she was at school, and the oppressed girl she was at home. She could bleed raw, and Rachel accepted her, loved her, and still wanted her afterwards. It was where Quinn learned that God still loved her even if the church disagreed, and where she came to accept that desire isn't a sin, but a given just like hunger and thirst or the need to breathe. And then Rachel took Cindy Sanders into their room, and it was tainted.

"Quinn, is there any hope at all?" her soft whisper broke the silence, and it caused Quinn's heart to seize in her chest. "Because I still love you, and I want to make things right between us so we can be together again. But if you can't forgive me, if there's no hope that we're ever going to get back together then please just tell me so I can move on. Because it hurts, Quinn. Every time I walk into the choir room and I see you sitting there reading or talking with Santana, and I can't sit in your lap, or just take you by the hand like I used to, it cuts me up inside. So if you could tell me, I would really, really appreciate it."

By the time Rachel was finished talking, Quinn had fat, salty tears rolling down her face. Her bottom lip was quivering as she tried to hold it all in, and she shut her eyes tightly in an ill fated attempt to hold everything inside. She wasn't used to doing it anymore, however, and trying to revert back to how she used to be before she fell for the girl lying in her arms was one of the hardest things she's ever done. _God, this almost hurts as much as giving birth to Beth. At least I knew that would eventually come to an end_, she thought and sniffled, bringing a hand up to wipe away her tears.

"I don't know," she said, her words trembling, and she felt Rachel tighten her grip around her waist. She let out a shaky breath, and tried as hard as she could to calm down. _What, are we taking turns breaking down now or something?_ "I'm not trying to string you along, and I know that's not fair. But Brittany told me that I need to forgive myself before I can work on forgiving you, and I think she's right. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but you're the first person I've ever really let in, and there's this part of me that's angry for going against what I've been taught and letting you see me, the real me. If we get back together before I come to terms with that, I know it'll be a disaster, and I don't want to put either of us through that. It wouldn't be fair."

"You know I'm going to fight for you, right?" Rachel said with a shaky laugh. Quinn pulled back just enough to look at her face, and what she saw there made her heart break all over again. She didn't think she had ever seen Rachel look so small, but there was a fire in her eyes that she hadn't seen since the day they broke up. "You need time, and I'll respect that, but I'm not giving up on us, Quinn. We love each other, and we were so good together. I want you back, and I'm not going to give up just because you have baggage you need to deal with. I love you, every part of you, including your…emotional constipation." The blonde barked in laughter, but quickly bit her lips to stop.

"Why don't we work on being friends first?" she asked with a quirk of her eyebrows. "We've never been friends before, not really. We went from hating each other, to tolerating each other, to dating, and maybe if we worked on reestablishing the trust we lost we'll be able to make it work better than before?" She sounded a little lost, and the look in her eyes was unsure, but Rachel simply nodded. A small smile pulled at both of their lips, and Quinn had to fight with every fiber of her being to close the three inch gap between them and kiss Rachel for all she was worth.

"Ok, we'll be friends," she said, her red rimmed eyes seemed to light up at the idea and Quinn had to fight even harder not to break rule number one. "And really be friends this time. We won't just hang out in glee or at lunch. It's never going to work if we don't start spending more time together. Maybe we can even do some things over summer break. My dads and I always go on a camping trip and I'm sure they'll let you come. As long as you sleep in your own tent. Daddy won't mind if we share but I know Dad would have a coronary if we did. Or we could just do normal things, like going to the mall, or sunbathe by the pool, or whatever you normally do during the summer."

"I normally spend time with Santana and Brittany. We go to parties, hang out at each other's houses, and hit the mall every once in a while," she said, and she noticed the way Rachel's smile dropped a little. _She's probably worried about what Santana is going to say. It's going to take every ounce of strength to convince her to let Rachel hang out with us. Maybe if I sacrificed a goat to a demon it would go smoothly_, she thought with a smile. She rubbed Rachel's back some more, trying to ease her anxiety, but when it came to Santana the other girl did have a lot to worry about.

"We always go to the lake a lot too," she continued. "I don't think my mom would let me go camping with you guys. Last week she tried to give me a sex talk, about waiting for the right time, and just because we can't get pregnant doesn't mean we have to be sexually active. It was kind of a disaster. She couldn't stop blushing and stumbling over her words. I didn't even know she was talking about sex until like halfway through it because she wouldn't just say anything outright." She held her breath as Rachel's eyebrows furrowed and she got a very confused look on her face.

"Why would your mom give you that kind of talk now? We've been broken up for six weeks," she said, and she sounded just as confused as she looked. She waited patiently for Quinn to explain, but the blonde remained silent, and a very guilty look slowly took over her face. "Quinn, you did tell your mom we broke up, didn't you?" _What does it mean if she didn't? Does she want to get back together and she's just waiting for the right time? Her mom's opinion is so important to her, even if she tries to downplay it_, she thought, and her breath hitched in her chest while she waited.

"I haven't told her yet," Quinn finally admitted. "I don't know how she's going to react, and the last thing I want is to hear her say 'I told you so'. She was so against this for so long, and now she's finally starting to come around. I'm sorry, I know it isn't fair, but I just can't tell her. I'm afraid if she knows she's going to try and set me up on a date with a boy from church or something." She looked away from Rachel's big, earnest eyes. She was afraid of what she would see once those words really sunk in.

"If you think that's how she's going to react then maybe keeping her in the dark is for the best," she said, and Quinn looked up at her with surprise in her red rimmed eyes. They looked sore and puffy from crying, and Rachel wanted nothing more than to lean forward and kiss the eyelids to make them better. "Although, I think I should let you know right now that I will not be a part of any rouse to try and convince her that we're still together. It didn't work out for Penny and Leonard and I'm sure it won't work out for you."

"Ok, I'll keep that in mind," she said with a smile. She had no idea who Leonard and Penny were, but the way Rachel's face lit up when she made the reference stopped Quinn from saying anything. "Though she never did lift the Berry-ban so I don't think she's going to invite you to dinner. Although before she dropped me off at school to catch the bus here, she did mention throwing a party for the glee club if we win. So you might be able to come over without having to sneak in." She couldn't help but smile a very evil smile when Rachel blushed so hard her ears looked like they were about to catch fire.

"I thought you were being nice to me because of my state of distress? What happened to your savior complex?" she asked, and Quinn couldn't help but laugh.

"You're right, I'm sorry. I won't remind you of the day I totally made you my bitch," she said, and yelped when Rachel smacked her really hard on the ass. "Hey, we're not allowed to do stuff like that anymore. Hands in respectable places only, Berry. It's in the rules." Rachel just rolled her eyes, and hid her face in Quinn's neck again. She felt drained, and sleepy, but safe now that she was surrounded by Quinn for the first time in weeks. _Maybe everything is going to be ok after all_, she thought as she drifted off into a peaceful sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: And here's a nice little chapter to bring this story to an end. I do plan on writing more in this series, but I'm not sure exactly when I'm going to do that. Maybe sooner instead of later since I have the worst writer's block ever in regards to my other fic Nocturnal. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed this story as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Please remember to review, and check out Nocturnal if you have some time to spare.**

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Rachel curled up on her bed, and pulled the covers over her head to try and block out the dreaded sun. It was eleven thirty in the morning, she had arrived back from New York yesterday, and refused to leave her room since. They lost Nationals, didn't even place in the top ten. None of the judges said it outright but everyone knew it was because of what Finn did. Finn kissed her on the National Stage, and they placed twelfth. And for reasons that she didn't really understand, everyone blamed it on her. Apparently Finn is exonerated for being such a good guy, and she's a little temptress who should have known not to stand anywhere near him because how is a boy with hormones supposed to control himself when the object of his desire is right in front of him?

She couldn't take the looks everyone had given her on the long bus ride home so she ended up at the very back of the bus, ear buds blasting sad songs the entire time as she tried not to cry. After a while, Quinn had sat down next to her, but neither one of them had said a word. She simply took Rachel by the hand, laid her head down on her shoulder, and fell asleep. She didn't know until Quinn did it, but it was exactly what she needed; physical comfort without the bullshit pleasantries. It helped calm her down until she got home, and she actually got a couple hours of sleep after a night spent tossing and turning and worrying all night.

And she felt refreshed and relaxed until she had to explain to her dads why they lost. Both of them wanted to kill Finn, even though she told them it wasn't entirely his fault. She did feel like a temptress. Finn said he just wanted to be her friend. He said he was over her, and that he was glad they were hanging out, but he promised he no longer had feelings for her. But she should have known he was just saying that so she would spend more time with him. She should have known when his hands would linger on her hips, or his stare wouldn't quite reach her eyes, or his mouth would hang out when she performed a dance move that showed off her body that he was still into her.

_It doesn't freaking matter now_, she thought and rolled over onto her other side. She had been lying still for so long that her hips were getting sore, and it felt painful just moving around. _Maybe they're starting to atrophy. I feel like I'm dying so maybe it's starting to happen for real. Then I won't have to go to school in the fall and face all of the ridicule from everyone else. And how am I supposed to explain to the recruiters why we lost? 'I'm really talented and have been training for this all my life, sirs and madams, but my ex boyfriend lost control of his actions and kissed me in front of thousands of people, and that's why we lost. But our performance was perfect, other than that. Why yes, I can show myself out, thank you for your time', yeah, I don't really think that will go over so well._

She was pulled out of her thoughts by a soft knock on the bedroom door. "Daddy, I told you, I don't want to get up! Please, just let me wallow in my misery and leave me alone!" she yelled, and buried her face in her pillow. She pulled it up around her ears and let out a groan of frustration when she heard the door open anyway. Her eyes burned with fresh tears, and she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from sobbing. She could smell food, and fresh coffee and it made her way to vomit. She hadn't had anything to eat since returning home, and her appetite seemed to be on strike.

"Rise and shine, Berry," she heard someone say, and her eyebrows furrowed so tightly it caused a pain in her forehead. "I know you're awake, Berry, I can hear the sniffles. Come on, get up, we have to get you ready." She pulled the covers down just enough to free her head, and she rolled until she was looking at the intruder. Her whole body went numb with shock, and she blinked a couple of times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating. Even then she didn't trust her own eyes.

"Santana?" she said, her voice rough and scratchy sounding. The other girl set a tray down on the bed that was piled high with pancakes, slices of different kinds of fruit, toast with some kind of jelly, a glass of orange juice, pineapple juice, and two cups of coffee. "What are you doing here? How did you get in here? Why are you here?" Santana barely made eye contact with her at school, she always avoided her when they saw each other in public, so what she could possibly be doing here, delivering her breakfast and coffee, and acting like they were friends just didn't make any sense. _Maybe she was abducted by aliens. That's the only thing that would explain this_, she thought and sat up.

"I'm here to help you get ready. We're meeting Quinn and Brittany at the mall for some retail therapy. You're not the only one who's all mopey about losing Nationals," she said, and walked over to the other girl's closet. Rachel pulled the covers around herself like a shield as she watched Santana moving through her bedroom as if she had done this a million times before. _She is so confident it's annoying_, she thought, and shook her head a little_. Ok, that's exactly what people have been telling me for years and I think I finally understand what they were talking about._

"I don't understand. Quinn hasn't called or text or anything. Why wouldn't she tell me that we're going shopping?" she asked, and ignored all of the less than flattering noises Santana was making while she went through the other girl's clothes. She finally pulled out something that she deemed suitable; a black v-neck sweater, and a red plaid skirt. It was an outfit Rachel bought special for one of her dates with Quinn. Seeing it now after ignoring it for over a month made her heart pound. If the other girl noticed her discomfort, she didn't let on as she went right back to Rachel's closet.

"Because she knew you wouldn't pick up your phone. So she sent me over here to get you," she said, and pulled out another top, and laid it at the foot of the bed with the others. "Come on, Berry, eat up, we don't have all day." She didn't wait for a response before she made her way to Rachel's dresser, and started looking through some of the drawers. She pulled them open slowly and simply peeked inside, as if she were expecting a venomous snake to be lurking about.

"That still doesn't make any sense. Quinn knows that if I wouldn't answer my phone all she has to do is come over. It's a little unfair that I'm almost incapable of saying no to her," she said, and brought her knees up to her chest. Santana quirked an eyebrow as she pulled out a pair of underwear and a bra, and tossed them onto the bed. Rachel blushed crimson, and glared down at her comforter. "Besides, she would have sent Brittany before she sent you because she knows how mean you can be about my clothes." Santana let out a huge sigh. Her shoulders seemed to deflate a little and she finally turned to face the girl. Rachel couldn't help but look up at the sudden change in her attitude. It only managed to confuse her more, and she remained silent as she waited for an explanation.

"Alright, look. Brittany isn't talking to me anymore," she said and glanced down at her feet, a look of what Rachel guessed was most likely shame flicked around her features before they returned to normal. "She thinks it's unfair that everyone is blaming the whole kissing thing on you, and she said she isn't going to talk to me until I apologize for yelling at you. Quinn thinks she's right, and she's not talking to me either. So, I'm sorry for threatening to kick your ass, and I'm sorry I made a voodoo doll that looks like you." She didn't sound very apologetic, but the fact that those words had left her mouth at all was some kind of world record.

Rachel sat there in stunned silence, her mouth slightly agape as her mind tried to process the words that were just thrown at her. Her eyebrows furrowed again, and she licked her dry lips as she watched Santana go back to her closet and start searching through her shoes. _This can't be real, this has to be a dream. But it does make sense a little. Brittany is the only person who can ever really get Santana to do anything, and Quinn is her backup when Brittany can't or won't hang out with her. But why did Dad and Daddy let her in? I just want to go back to sleep._

"Come on, Rachel, your food is getting cold," Santana said, and pulled out a pair of boots that went perfect with the black sweater, red skirt outfit. It wasn't a coincidence. She had spent six months worth of allowance on them so her date night outfit would be perfect. _It also wasn't a coincidence that when Quinn's hands began to wander Rachel didn't stop them. We were finally starting to really bond, to be connected in a way I've never been with anyone, and then I fucked it up. Just another thing to add to my list of failures_, she thought, and wiped at the tears that swelled in her eyes.

"I said I was sorry for being a bitch, you don't have to get all weepy about it. I know you have this giant flare for the dramatic, but can we please skip the tears? I already ate and I would like to keep my food down," Santana said, and without warning, pulled the blankets back, exposing Rachel to the cool air of the room. She was in a tank top and sleep shorts, but she felt so raw and bare that she might as well have been completely nude.

"It's not that. It's just, I bought those clothes and those shoes special," she said, and wiped away the tears. She sniffled loudly, and tried as hard as she could to keep her bottom lip from quivering. "It was my fifth date with Quinn, and I wanted to feel sexy. I thought that maybe that night would have been the night we finally consummated our relationship, but I was too scared, and nervous. I don't think I can wear them today, not if I'm going to be around her." She heard Santana let out a big sigh, but she didn't look up at the other girl. _She's probably annoyed right now. She doesn't understand why this is such a big deal. I bet she gave away her virginity just to get more popular. Ok, Rachel, being mean to Santana isn't going to make you feel better so don't be a bitch._

"Alright, I'm going to let you in on a little secret, but you have to promise not to tell anyone, ok? Quinn will kill me if she found out I told you," she said, and sat down at the foot of the bed. Rachel was able to get herself under control and stopped crying. Her ears strained as she waited for Santana to continue, even though she felt conflicted. She didn't want to betray Quinn's trust, not again, not after everything, but if Santana was willing to give her an olive branch and help her in the process should she really turn that down?

"Quinn is going to take you back. She just doesn't know it yet," she said, and held up her hand when Rachel opened her mouth to interrupt. She stayed quiet even though every fiber of her being wanted to protest. "As much as I hate to say it, you made her happy, happier than she's been in years, but she can't forgive you yet because she's still ashamed of herself. She doesn't like to be reminded that she's not perfect since she tries so damn hard to be the queen of everything. She isn't just upset about you bringing up Beth, she's pissed because you reminded her that she cheated, and way worse than you did. So she's going to take you back and you guys are going to be all puppies and rainbows and little baby kittens again. You just have to wait for her to get over herself a little bit, ok?"

"I just wish there was something I could do," she said and let out a frustrated sigh. "I've apologized, and I was sincere and she knows that I meant it. She knows that I would never do anything like that again. I've learned from my mistake and I'll never repeat that. Now we're going to try and be friends, but I honestly don't know if I'll be able to be around her, to have her so close but still feel like she's thousands of miles away. Do you think there's anything I could do?" She never thought in a million years she would be practically begging Santana for dating advice, and yet here she was in her pajamas with really bad bed head, and a puffy face with Santana sitting across from her looking perfect.

"Yeah, there is," she said, and Rachel unconsciously leaned closer to her. "You can get your ass out of bed, brush your teeth because your breath smells like a dragon's ass, and you can spend time with her. I know it's going to suck, ok? I had to be around Brittany and Artie while they were all over each other, and it cuts deep. But the only way to show her that you really want to be with her, is to put in the effort of being her friend. When things start to calm down again, then you can start pushing for more, but don't push too soon or you're going to scare her away."

Rachel nodded her head, and let out a little sigh. "Ok, I can do that." She got a little smile on her face, and the look in her eyes changed. It made something deep within Santana's gut clench and coil in an uncomfortable feeling. "Thank you, Santana. I know you're here against your will, but it means a lot that you're at least pretending to be my friend. I don't have any people I can turn to, and even though we've had our differences, you've been a big help. So, thank you." She watched with some amusement as Santana stood up, and walked over to the dresser and began looking through all of the trinkets she kept there. She was clearly uncomfortable and Rachel thought it was amazing how Santana the Bad Ass was suddenly Santana the Timid.

"Don't mention it. And hurry up, would you? We're supposed to meet them in thirty minutes, and I'm not going to miss out on spending time with my girl because you're a total fucking mess," she snapped, but Rachel just rolled her eyes. Santana the Timid always lashed out when she felt uncomfortable and out of her element, and anything to do with showing genuine emotions always ripped her out of her comfort zone. _This is certainly going to be an interesting day_, she thought as she pulled the tray towards her and began munching on her breakfast. _I hope I make it through in one piece. I've never been shopping with the Unholy Trinity but if they're anything like Quinn by herself then I might not make it out alive._


	5. Author's Note

For those of you who only clicked on the Story Alert option, the sequel to this has been posted, it's titled Love Love, Kiss Kiss. Hope you check it out.


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